Snowy O'Legless the Carjacker

It snowed and I had fun.

Steve's friend and fellow contributor, Malin says that usually when it comes to the Tri-Cities, "You can't spell 'no' without 'snow'!" But it did snow. And it did stay.

I had a very slidey time driving home last night, and it wasn't because I can't drive in the snow! Okay, it is. But that's really beside the point, isn't it? That's why I married me a Spokane girl! And she's not just a Spokane girl! Okay, she is. But again: beside the point. When will you leave me alone and let me finish!

Anyway, it snowed. Did I mention that? And it wasn't messing around. Not one little bit. But I was messing around! (See inset photo.)

There was a group of us eating lunch at our friends' house during the day Saturday. My brother, Justin, and I had to leave earlier than everyone else, so we headed out to our car.

It's pretty standard in the Tri-Cities to get excited about the snow every time you go outside because it pretty much snows once a year here. Or less. That being said, I was giddy. Not schoolgirl giddy, but more horselike. I grabbed six and a half handfuls of the stuff dreams are made of - with the express intent of decking Justin with it. But, darn it! He got into his car and locked the door.

What was I to do with the four gallons of snow still in my grasp? I glanced around, trying to see if there was anything fun I could throw it at. And there I saw my friend Sam's car.

"Aha!" I said.

That's what I said. I really said it out loud, too.

I ran to Sam's car, quite excited to throw snow inside it. But then a thought occurred to me! Who in the world invented scarfs? And then another thought occurred to me: How do you even spell the plural form of "scarf"? Scarves? That sounds like a crazy snowboard maneuver.

Suddenly it dawned on me that I was doing way too much thinking and that I was still standing there with a snowball the size of a child's carseat.

And then a great idea dawned on me! I would make a snowman in Sam's front seat! And then I would name him Snowy O'Legless the Carjacker. And, well, that's pretty much what I did.

Boy, it sure took me a long time to tell you what you already guessed by looking at the picture, didn't it?

And also, I like my new phone. If you like the picture, write my phone a love note. I'll be sure it gets it. Unless you're some kind of sicko.

[An apology must now be made for the excess in exclamation marks, italics, and use of the phrase "beside the point". Grammarians willing to fill out a brief form, available herewill be issued rebate checks. And free french fries!]

Modern Convenience Strikes Again

My Motorola Mpx200 cell had a great feature that makes finding a contact infinitely easier. To call someone already listed in your contacts, you just key in the numbers on the keypad that correspond with the letters and it narrows down the possibilites as you type each letter. It's basically T9 guessing for contacts. It's very fast and makes it so that I can keep hundreds of contacts in my cell and still find them easily.

In about October, my phone started flaking out on me, so I sent it in for warranty repair. While waiting to get it returned to me, I was using another phone that didn't have some of the features that I loved on my Motorola.

One day I was whining to a middle-aged friend about how much I missed my Motorola and how inconvenient this temporary phone made my life. I had to actually scroll through a ton of names to find the person I wanted to call.

He looked at me like I was crazy.

"And how much more time does that take?" he said.

Thinking he was sympathizing with me, I griped, "It makes it take about 30 seconds longer!" I immediately felt embarassed as I realized how silly I sounded.

"Yeah? I remember just a couple of years ago when I would have to pull out one of these and flip through it, then actually dial the number," he said, waving a little pocket address book.

I have come to the startling conclusion that "modern convenience" quite basically trains us for a lifetime of impatience. If I am writhing in pain because I have to scroll through a bunch of names to make a phone call, I'm in sad shape.

And I am.

I rarely cook anything more than "one step" meals because it takes too long. If I'm busy, I just won't eat.

I have my email forwarded to my cell phone because I can't stand going more than an hour without checking it.

I took eight books, my laptop, my iPod, several DVDs, and an entire recording studio with me when I went on vacation! Knowing I might be without Internet access for a week, I made sure my RSS news reader was completely full of more than 3500 articles. 3500!

There is a mild desperation that I sense fairly frequently, a feeling that I am wasting time or missing out.

Is this simply a connection addiction? Perhaps. I have been very wired for a very long time.

On Tuesday, I bought the MPx220, the latest version of my old phone. It's even more deft at enabling impatience.

Using its built in Bluetooth capability, it will sync my appointments, contacts, and to do list with my laptop computer without me physically doing anything.

Also using my phone's Bluetooth modem, I can now get on the Internet anywhere I have cell phone service.

Unfortunately, to set all that up the way I wanted it took me two days of constantly messing with it.

Modern convenience is a wonderful thing.

Or is it?