March 13, 2004

My Joke

I have this friend Frank. Now me and Frank are both very avid campers. I mean, we go camping every weekend. Now we usually have a pretty good time camping, but one time we did not have a good time at all! Last year around late July, me and Frank were camping up near Mt. Stevenson. Early that morning we decided to go exploring in the forest. We wandered around the forest having a grand old time, until we finally were ready to head back for lunch. The only problem with eating lunch is that we were completely lost. We had no idea where we were! We were just plan lost. So, being the super duper outdoorsmen that we are, we decided to keep wandering around the forest. Eventually, we stumbled upon a huge clearing with practically no end in sight. I mean, this field was HUGE! We sat down for a bit to relax and wish we had food. Frank wandered off to chew the bark off some trees and I tried to catch rabbits with my teeth. While I chased a rabbit up over a small hill I noticed something off in the distance. It looked like a rip in the space time continuum! It was just this huge black spot on the other side of the field. I pried Frank away from his delicious trees and drew his attention to the darkness off yonder. We both decided to get closer and check it out. After a long walk we finally arrived at what we found out was a huge hole. This was quite possibly the largest hole in the history and future of the world. No, it was quite possibly the largest hole in the SUM of the history and future of holes in the world. It was really that big. Now when you are in the presence of a hole this big, one thing tends to come to your mind. You begin to wonder how deep the hole is. So me and Frank, being the young, smart and physical men that we are, begin to throw things into the hole. We started with throwing just a handful of pebbles. Then we listened. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... Nothing. Obviously, the pebbles just weren't big enough to make enough noise for us to hear when they hit the bottom. So we got something bigger. We each threw a few hand sized rocks into the hole and listened. This time we also counted! Aren't we smart? 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12.... 1,164, 1165, 1166.... Nothing. We needed something bigger. I spotted a pretty nice sized boulder and we decided to throw it into the whole. We heaved and hoed and finally got it into the hole and listened and counted again. But we're not stupid, we realized that counting normally didn't work, so we decided to count in prime numbers! 1, 2, 3, 5, 7, ummmm... 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13... Wow, prime numbers are hard to count by, and also very ineffective. Anyways, we still didn't hear a thing! By this time we were getting pretty fed up, but we were also determined to find out how deep the hole was. Frank and I analyzed out situation and finally decided that we would not make the same mistakes as before. This time we would throw something that is sure to make a noise and we will not stop counting or listening until we hear something from the hole! We searched far and wide for that one thing that was sure to make a noise. Eventually we found it. A huge log. We drug it over and pushed it into the hole. We started counting. 1, 2, 3... "BAAAAAAHH!" What was that? I heard something! I kept listening. "BAAAAAAH!!!!" It was getting closer. I looked over my shoulder and saw a sheep. Now this wasn't your normal sheep. Ohhh no. This was a sheep that was traveling at least 200 mph, and did I mention that it was headed straight for us? I think that I did. Please forgive me and let me mention that. The sheep was heading right for us! I tried to get Frank's attention to show him the sheep. He shushed me and stared intently at the hole, hand cupped around his ear straining to listen. The sheep kept getting closer! "BAAAHA!! BAAAH! BAAAAAHHHH!!" The sheep had to be no less than 20 feet away and then everything went into slow motion. I jumped at Frank and threw him out of the sheep’s way while yelling "NNNNNOOOOOOOO!!! IIIII LOOOOOOOOVVVEEEE YOOOUUUUUUUU!!!" The sheep kept getting closer and closer "BAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! BAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" Suddenly, Frank and I both got the wind knocked out of us when we hit the ground and the sheep ran right past us, and jumped in to the hole! We both sat there recovering our breath. Frank looking at me like I was the worst person on earth and me trying to convince him without any breath that he owed me $10 for saving his life. The trees near the edge of the field started shaking. Soon, a huge lumberjack man emerged from the forest. He was no less than 8 feet tall and had a long scruffy beard that ran to his ankles full of birds, twigs and small rodents. I can't speak for Frank, but I know that I wet myself just looking at him. Seriously, he looked like he was going to eat us. We both looked at each other and hoped that he would jump in the hole as the sheep had, or anything else to just get him out of our presence. Then he walked right up to us. I was lucky that I had wet myself all out earlier, because it would have been really embarrassing to do that twice in one day. Anyways, he came right up to us and stared us each in the eyes at same time. He asked us "Have you 2 boys seen any sheep 'round these parts?" in a surprisingly friendly voice. I said yes and quickly explained to him that it had jumped into the hole behind us. He saw the pure terror in my eyes and then gave a jolly laugh and said "Oh don't worry, that couldn't have been my sheep. I tied mine up to that log over there"