March 22, 2004

Friends of the Library version 2.0

Every so often, when walking into a library, I notice signs that say, "blah blah blah blah Friends of the Library blah blah blah." I never seem to follow up this quick glance with a complete read of whatever it is these flyers say about the "Friends of the Library". And my laziness leaves me wondering.

Just who ARE the Friends of the Library? And what do they do?

When I was a kid, my friends were the ones I spent the most time around. This makes the bakery and the law firm next to the library potential friends of the library, I suppose.

Although I did spend a lot of time with kids who happened to be related to me - and I didn't call them my friends. My friends were the ones who I spent the most time with by my choice. So I guess that would mean the bakery and the law firm are probably just cousins or siblings of the library. The law firm is probably the smelly cousin.

Anyway, that still doesn't answer the question. Who the heck are the Friends of the Library? I have no idea. But let's not go there. It seems they don't want to be known and no amount of conjecture on my part is going to uncover their identities. And also I'm bored with trying to figure out who the Friends of the Library are.

So on to our next question: What do the Friends of the Library do?

Well, when I was a kid, my friends just ditched me and went to go play video games. Hmm... nah. I don't think an institution of the Library's stature would associate with people who play video games. But maybe the Library's friends just ditch him and go quote poetry! No. Also too boring to pursue as a possibility.

Hmmm... I have some friends who made fun of me behind my back. That's it! That must be what Friends of the Library do! I can see it now! They would probably say things like:

"Hey, did you see the Library this morning? He forgot to close his automatic closing doors! What a dork!"

"I can't believe the Library is still using those stupid 'click click click' things that check for stolen books! I quit using mine in, like, 1982!"

"Did you see the cover on the Library's Trapper Keeper! It's pink! What, did his MOM pick it out for him?"

"Have you seen the librarian that the Library has been hanging out with? She looks like a librarian!"

"What's up with the Library lately? He hasn't changed his clothes in eight years and he smells like mold!"

"Ha ha ha! Someone stuck this big sign on the Library this morning! And he didn't even notice!"

or...

"Look! That Library is such a push-over. He lets me borrow anything he owns and then if I don't return it, he just threatens me with mailed post-cards saying they're 'overdue'!"