As most of our regular readers know, I’m a pastor. Occasionally, I get to clean up and throw out old junk around the church. Sometimes when I do, I find some peculiar stuff. Very, very old Sunday School curriculum is always the most interesting - and the older the better. (The youth ministries stuff that contains slang from the 60s and 70s is a riot.) Well, anyway, a few years ago, I happened to be cleaning up a storage room and came across this poster, which I found to be quite funny. (Personally, I don’t find the 10 Commandments themselves humorous, but I sure did find this 10 Commandments Poster to be enormously hilarious.)
Here are the illustrated 10 commandments from the poster, along with my reaction to each of them. The thumbnails all have links to larger images for your viewing pleasure.
Commandment 1:
You shall have no other gods before me.
In addition to having no other gods before me, also be sure not to make large stacks of coins or currency in front of your TV, as it will most certainly restrict your viewing of “All My Children” reruns. Also, if your television set ever chants “FAME MONEY POWER,” get a stone monk thing and put it next to the TV. It will distract the people inside.
Commandment 2:
You shall not make for yourself an idol.
And in the event that you accidentally do make an idol and it begins to order you around, be sure to tell it, “Talk to the hand!” Even if it is flaming, it cannot hurt you because you will be given a magical yellow force field!
Commandment 3:
You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God.
And please - please - stop calling me “@*!!?!” No matter what he leads you to believe, Beetle Bailey is not the authority on my Name. Oh, and quit hanging your arm out the window! Do you know how dangerous that is? It’s going to get ripped off!
Commandment 4:
Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy.
Um, it also might help to remember the Sabbath day by keeping a calendar. And wearing a watch. And, well, this one just isn’t as funny as the rest.
Commandment 5:
Honor your father and your mother.
Yes, even if their heads are freakishly disproportionate with the rest of their body. Even then you should honor them. Remember, they probably passed this trait on to you, too.
Commandment 6:
You shall not murder.
And stop inviting that giant gun to funerals! Seriously, this murder thing is a vicious cycle with that guy around! (Personally, I think it all starts when he goes poking at the headstone.)
Commandment 7:
You shall not commit adultery.
And when our rings’ power combined…Captain Planet is to the rescue! “By Your Powers Combined, I am Captain Planet!” Captain Planet, he’s the man - Leading the charge, Earth’s number 1 fan! Check him out, you’re gonna see — He’s the Mega-mac Daddy of ecology! Oh. Sorry.
Commandment 8:
You shall not steal.
Arrgh! How many times have I told you — stop stacking your money like that!! Oh yeah - and definitely don’t steal buried treasure from pirates. You’ll find they’re the only ones who really want treasure chests and golden goblets full of jewels. Seriously. Besides dwarves.
Commandment 9:
You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.
And also, you’re stupid. It’s obvious you did it! You’re holding the bat! Give it up, already.
Commandment 10:
You shall not covet… anything that belongs to your neighbor.
If your neighbor has a fur coat like that, you don’t want it anyway! Trust me. You’ll be way better off without it!
