The amazing Scott Schneider presents a mythical tale of magical creatures from a far-away land full of flying beings with wings and things. Never mind. It’s not that. But it’s still absolutely amazing. Wow. Here it is, movie fans, opening to FIVE STAR REVIEWS EVERYWHERE!
Apparently my essay was not only unacceptable, but it also received an ‘average’ style grade. The one thing that I fail to see is where my essay was lacking in style. I thought that I had style coming out the ying yang. Actually the other thing that I wonder is why my teacher seemed to mock my topic by suggesting that I was just trying to be funny. DID SHE EVEN READ MY ESSAY? I just don’t understand how anyone can mock the seriousness of pencil sharpening after having the main points drawn to their attention. But enough with the past and on to the future, or is it present? Oh well. For me, the future holds two more chances to take the test, which I can not take unless I attend special tutoring classes after school. I am working on a list of more essential topic choices that I will be able to fall back on when the teachers try and force their redundant subjects down my throat, and you know what that means. Time to search The Onion for facts to back up my lies!
Today was my dad’s birthday… so, of course, it rolls around that we have to (”get to”) sing happy birthday.
I recently made a discovery.
The birthday song is my all-time favorite song. It’s simple, it’s full of emotion, it’s personal, and it has an incredible hook… It’s so catchy, in fact, that practically every English-speaking person knows all the words, in the right order, in addition to the countless number of non-English speakers who learned it in an English class.
Well, if I happen to see you and just spontaneously belt out a rousing round of “Happy Birthday to You,” don’t feel awkward or embarassed. Don’t try to explain to me that it isn’t your birthday. Just join in… and maybe… just maybe… some guy with a rototiller will come along and swiftly put us out of our misery.
I do not know about anyone else, but I have never actually completely completed a Mario game. It may have been either because I lose interest in the game, or because I just plain suck. But here Ihave found proof that Super Mario 3 can be beaten in 11:02!! To me, that is just totally unbelievable, and yet I have watched the whole thing and I know that it is true. However, I still do not see how the developers of the game incorporated so m,any tank levels into the game.
And this is the biggest waste of time that I have ever seen.
Okay… this is some weird attempt at communication. It’s from the folks that sent me a 6000 lumen projector. (Well, not me… the church.) But anyway, I just was trying to find shipping info the other day and I stumbled across this sentence that sounds straight Engrish. They say, “due to the location of these locations…” The odd thing, this is a company in California. Maybe they contracted out to the
And speaking of Engrish, check out Engrish.com for a wide assortment of amusing attempts at translation.
That reminds me. I need to photograph a boxed panda bear called “Stoppy” that’s in Eric’s possession. It may have the most hilarious stuff I’ve ever read written on the outside of the box.
“Stoppy is funny lights and moving arms.” Of course it is!
I promised a post every day — and I just barely beat this one out.
Good news, everyone! Dale didn’t get laid off!
Well, I guess most of you didn’t hear the fake bad news — but it’s still good news any day that Dale isn’t laid off!
…
Now just where is that Dan fellow? Shouldn’t we be seeing and hearing more Tamlyn?
Hooray for Steve! What an enjoyable journey through the ins and outs of pencil sharpening. We shall forever remem… never mind. On to something new.
You may notice that mathcaddy.com now recommends Death Cab For Cutie’s new album, Transatlanticism. If you noticed that, good for you. You get a point. If you also noticed the Bruchi’s logo, good for you. You get two points. (That’s three points altogether, for a total of… wait for it… three points! Congratulations!)
Anyway, that particular album is incredible. Since first hearing them on a CMJ cd a few years ago, I have greatly enjoyed DCFC, as they are often called by people who cannot waste their time by spelling actual words. But to put it simply, this album kills. It’s incredible. (In fact, it gets no credit whatsoever. It’s that incredible.)
But seriously folks, this is just a wonderful peice of plastic. (Yes, I bought the CD.) Go get it. Or download it. Or whatever. Just listen to it repeatedly. It will take you a few listens to get into it, but you’ll be quite glad you did. I sure was, my friend.
“I wish the world was flat like the old days, so I could travel just by folding a map. No more airplanes or speed trains or freeways. There’d be no distance that could hold us back.” - Lyric from “The New Year”
Well apparently passing preschool, kindergarden, 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th and part of 9th grade will teach you how to write a great persuasive essay such as this:
In todayís fast-paced kill-or-be-killed society, we really just do not have time to fumble around with the slow, clunky pencils sharpeners of yester-year. The future of pencil sharpening needs to be nothing less than quick, efficient and easily accessible machines that produce the quality of sharpness that we have come to know and love. We simply do not have the time or energy to continue to use the fiddle-faddle that our ancestors left us with.
Back in the day, when pencils were first invented and proved to be a very viable product, the only thing missing from their trend was an easy way to sharpen this new-found contraption. Early pencil users would sit by the evening fire for hours on end just whittling away at their pencil trying to achieve pencil bliss. This process soon became know as a ëwaste-of-time.í The next few generations of pencil users made such improvements like the famous hand-crank sharpener, the more famous hand-crank sharpener with adjustable pencil sizes and the most famous automatic pencil sharpener. Although these were all great inventions for their time, they lack the speed and efficiency that consumers need today. For example, say you only have 3 hours in which you have to write a 5-paragraph essay that will determine the rest of your life as you know it. Would you waste any second of that time fiddling with an obsolete pencil sharpener? I did not think so.
Pencil sharpeners should not only be quick and efficient, but also easily accessible. Place yourself in that same situation again. You raise your hand to get permission from the instructor to sharpen your pencil. The instructor is deeply involved in a novel and he does not notice you as soon as you would have liked. Once he gets to a point in his novel where he can put it down, he walks quietly towards you, being very careful not to disturb any one else. He slowly heads your direction and takes his time to check your peerís papers as he passes them by. Finally, he reaches you and he nods his head approvingly. You get up, walk to the pencil sharpener, sharpen your pencil, walk back to your seat, sit down and continue writing. A total time of 1 minute and 48 seconds completely wasted. That single pencil sharpening took up nearly one third of the allotted time, when you round up to the nearest hour. If pencil sharpeners were somewhere easily accessible, on the back of your pencil for instance, then you would not have to waste so much time or suffer the ridicule of using a cheaply produced pencil sharpener in front of the whole class. The benefits are just infinite.
Although a quick, efficient and easily accessible pencil sharpener would be nice, what good would it do without providing the sharpness that we have come to know and love? It wouldnít do any good at all. With all the previous ëimprovementsí in pencil sharpening there have always been obvious flaws that have not been addressed. With the hand-crank it often left you with a dull point and it was constantly jamming. Although the newer automatic sharpeners did not jam much and they provided a very sharp tip, they were very noisy and ate up your pencil instantly. Pencil sharpeners of the future will get rid of those petty flaws and set a new standard for pencil sharpeners everywhere.
Now you may think all of this is just too good to be true, but let me get to my point. We can not thrice another day while our pencil sharpening technology stays stagnant! We need quick, efficient and accessible pencil sharpeners today! And we, the generation of now, are the only ones to fulfill this need!
Oh boy, oh boy! Do you think that I passed? By the way, BLogger apparently does not like indents at the begging of paragraphs.
“What is the second most disgusting thing ever?” One might ask. If you mean as far as baseball news is concerned, let me help you out there. It would be this right here. This is the Second Most Disgusting Thing Ever. It looks like Javier Vazquez, my favorite baseball pitcher will be traded to those good-for-nothing Yankees.
“And what is the most disgustingest thing ever?” One might also ask. That, of course, would be the Yankess signing my favorite baseball player, Vladimir Guerrero, who happens to be a free agent this season.
Please, please, no. Please.
Well the school year is almost halfway over and you know what that means. It’s Christmas time. And apparently it is also Exit Exam time in my language arts class. We have to write an essay using the almighty 5 paragraph persuasive essay format. I hate that format. In fact, that is what I wrote my practice exam on. To be more specific the topic was ‘Why 5 paragrah essays shouldn’t be taught in school any more.’ Unfortunately, I was unaware that the finals would be the next week and I failed to think of a good subject for my final exam. Until today. While sitting there doodling on my paper I thought up a subject that most people overlook and is not really heard about to much. That is the subject of PENCIL SHARPENERS!! I am still thinking of a way to somehow smuggle my paper home so that I can publish it on the site and it looks like I might be able to complete that plan by tommorow, the last day. Until then, I’ll order a roast turkey with cheddar cheese on white bread without tomatoes. Mmmm, delicious.